Kasteel Rouge Ale

Spirit Guide

KASTEEL ROUGE ALE OWNS YOUR FUCKING FACE.

Okay. now that we’ve gotten that out-of-the-way, welcome to Spirit Guide. I’m sure some of you readers are blowing air out of your tight-lipped mouths like a bunch of truculent little girls, saying to yourselves, (or to your cat, Professor Mugglesworth, who is frankly sick to fucking death of hearing you speak) “Coddy is such a fucking poseur. He plays like he knows about beer, but there has only been like, four entries in this category, and this site has been around more that a year.”

I want to ask you, do you know that you sound like a stupid, valley surfer dude in my head? Why do you sound like that in there? Do you really sound like that? Call me up, we’ll talk about pantyhose. To address your concern, I drink new beers all the time. I could, without exaggerating, post a new Spirit Guide article ever day for the next six months, with no problem, just dealing with backlog beers. So, let me ask you, have you ever considered that a lot of time, I’m just too fucking drunk to write it? Ha! Bet you hadn’t thought of that! I have a life crippling disease!

Jokes on you.

Anyway, onto the subject at hand, a delicious Belgian Bitch named Kasteel Rouge. Now, a man don’t freely admit this shit in public forums easily, but I’m in love, people. What the people at Castle Brewery in Von Housenbrouck, (running side-note, I just renamed my junk Baron Von Housenbrouk, and drew a little mustache under the ridge. just sayin’) Belgium did was take some of their traditional brown ale, and let some cherrys get all up in its guts for six months. The result is a fruit beer that actually tastes like a fruit beer should.

Some readers might now be thinking of Lindmans Kriek Lambic, and to you I say, WERE YOU NOT FUCKING PAYING ATTENTION? I thought I had made it clear, Kasteel. Mothetherfucking. Rouge. Lindmans not only costs more, it also has half the alcohol content and doesn’t taste as good. So, you can buy that shit if you want, but you’re basically paying for late nineties Puffy, when you could have had Bigge Smalls. I suppose it could be worse, you could have ended up with Ma$e.

The Ke$ha of rap.

Pairing with food? This beer would go down excellent with anything BBQ. Your mouth with thank me for that tonight. Your butthole will take out a contract on my life the next day.

This shit is the shit. When shit takes a shit, that shit is this shit, while simultaneously being the other shit, somewhere else.

Taste: Like slightly tart cherries. But you can still tell you’re drinking beer.

Drinkability: High. Goes down easy.

alcohol Content: 8% Shit’ll get you drunk!

Cost: Here’s where it hurts. $10 for 1 PT, 6oz.

Hangover Rating: surprisingly low. Nothing to report.

Overall Effect: FUCK YEAH!