Look, we all know that the internet is a wonderful thing. It is a large, open-air buffet of artistic expression and ideas. Think of how you spend your time today, vs. the way you spent that time twelve or fifteen years ago. If your reading this post, there’s a good chance you spend a lot of time on the internet. (Because, fuck, if you’re here, you must be bored as shit, and you really need to find a better way to spend you time. I’m calling your mother.)
But as great as the internet is, with it’s endless feeds of things to read and look at, the internet can be dangerous, too. Like meeting a nice girl, and taking her home to find that her lady parts are filled with whirring razors and the disembodied souls of Vietnamese street buskers, the internet can tempt you, then turn on you in an instant. There are pictures and video on the internet capable of causing damage that only full frontal lobotomies and the sweet embrace of death can erase.
I currently offer a course on internet safety, which can help you to navigate around these disturbing pits of agony. Simply send me $25.99 and I will send you the lessons, be sure to specify Beta-Max or 5″ floppy. You can look at the picture below and still keep your sanity, I promise you that. Coddy wouldn’t run you into a wall like that. Not unless that shit was really, really funny. No, this image is not as scarring, as it is perplexing. Like, what the fuck?
Um, there’s more that a few things wrong with this. First off, we have to start with the fact that this is a modified product. Disney is a pretty progressive, oft-times perverted company, but even I have a problem believing that they would license this thing. So, this was bought, (note the legit tag) then modified by someone.
That’s…good? I mean, it’s good in the sense that there aren’t a million of these things floating around behind older brother’s bedroom doors, waiting for the moment when in the act of Coitus Cervidae, younger sister opens said door only to have all that makes sense in the world be obliterated in one embarrassing instant. But, then again, somebody made this thing, and what the fuck is wrong with that guy?
Okay, this isn’t that ‘Furry’ shit, because with that, at least there is a person in the costume. But this isn’t bestiality, either, because that’s not a real animal, but it does represent one, so…What? But homosexuality? Yes? Because Bambi was actually a boy? But now he has a vagina? Does that make him a trans-sexual, or is that cancelled out by the fact that he’s an animal? Is that cancelled out by the fact that it’s stuffed, and was never alive in the first place? Is that a silk lined vagina, because if it is…This is too confusing, even for me. I gotta go.