Archive for Bad pics

Seriously, What The Fuck Is Wrong With You People?

Posted in Jesus, People Who Should Not Be Having Sex with tags , , , , , , , , , on July 15, 2010 by Colin Walker

Look, we all know that the internet is a wonderful thing. It is a large, open-air buffet of artistic expression and ideas. Think of how you spend your time today, vs. the way you spent that time twelve or fifteen years ago. If your reading this post, there’s a good chance you spend a lot of time on the internet. (Because, fuck, if you’re here, you must be bored as shit, and you really need to find a better way to spend you time. I’m calling your mother.)

But as great as the internet is, with it’s endless feeds of things to read and look at, the internet can be dangerous, too. Like meeting a nice girl, and taking her home to find that her lady parts are filled with whirring razors and the disembodied souls of Vietnamese street buskers, the internet can tempt you, then turn on you in an instant.  There are pictures and video on the internet capable of causing damage that only full frontal lobotomies and the sweet embrace of death can erase.

I currently offer a course on internet safety, which can help you to navigate around these disturbing pits of agony. Simply send me $25.99 and I will send you the lessons, be sure to specify Beta-Max or 5″ floppy. You can look at the picture below and still keep your sanity, I promise you that. Coddy wouldn’t run you into a wall like that. Not unless that shit was really, really funny.  No, this image is not as scarring, as it is perplexing. Like, what the fuck?

Pictured: Nightmare fodder.

Ooooookay.

Um, there’s more that a few things wrong with this. First off, we have to start with the fact that this is a modified product. Disney is a pretty progressive, oft-times perverted company, but even I have a problem believing that they would license this thing. So, this was bought, (note the legit tag) then modified by someone.

That’s…good? I mean, it’s good in the sense that there aren’t a million of these things floating around behind older brother’s bedroom doors, waiting for the moment when in the act of Coitus Cervidae, younger sister opens said door only to have all that makes sense in the world be obliterated in one embarrassing instant. But, then again, somebody made this thing, and what the fuck is wrong with that guy?

Okay, this isn’t that ‘Furry’ shit, because with that, at least there is a person in the costume. But this isn’t bestiality, either, because that’s not a real animal, but it does represent one, so…What? But homosexuality? Yes? Because Bambi was actually a boy? But now he has a vagina? Does that make him a trans-sexual, or is that cancelled out by the fact that he’s an animal? Is that cancelled out by the fact that it’s stuffed, and was never alive in the first place? Is that a silk lined vagina, because if it is…This is too confusing, even for me. I gotta go.

Lindsay Lohan Is Rapidly Disintegrating

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , on March 15, 2010 by Colin Walker

“Why don’t you come to my room later, tiger?”

Jeeeeeeeeeeesssssssuuuuuuuusssssssssss Christ! What in the hell is happening with Lindsay Lohan? I am not kidding. This is not a rhetorical question or a lead in to something else. REALLY. I would like to know what this is. Is this some kind of disease? I do not want that disease! She is fucking melting like the Wicked Witch of the West over there! Does she have fucking Progeria or something? Baby Jeebus forgive me if she does, but goddamn! Have I made this clear?

LINDSAY LOHAN IS TURNING INTO THE FUCKING DRAGON EMPEROR RIGHT IN FRONT OF US!

She is only twenty-three years old! Twenty-three!

Holy

shit.

Do you guys remember when she was just starting to get mainstream, and she looked like this?

That was an attractive young lady who looked like she was going to turn into a beautiful woman. What the fuck happened? I almost did a “Jesus, I thought they were dead’, piece on this, but I think she may actually be dying, and then the joke isn’t funny. I’m going to have to dust off an old chestnut here and just say “Cocaine is a hell of a drug”.

Badtiming@Geterdone: I’m split and doped up! LOL. 2 minutes ago, from blackberry mobile

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , on February 17, 2010 by Colin Walker

“Just one minute, I think I was attacked in Mafia Wars.”

I’m not the best guy to give a lecture about priorities, but, for god’s sake. I’m going to give her the benefit of the doubt and say that maybe she took a picture of the kid, then sent it to someone, but even then…Someone else couldn’t have done that? Put the goddamn phone down.

Thanks, Ladies, For Making Valentine’s Day Special.

Posted in Lovelorn, People Who Should Not Be Having Sex with tags , , , on February 15, 2010 by Colin Walker

Anybody who knows me knows I loves me some Twitter.  I Twitter so much, the Twitter Master has to send me a schedule of when he would prefer me to Twitter, as not to choke the server and mess up any of you other good people that might want to put out there that you are ‘Having the most boss slice of pizza right now, seriously’. I’m all about the social networking, and yesterday was a prime example of social networking gone right.

If you are one of the trillion or so females that follow me on the Twitters, you surely saw the Tweet I sent out last night about my man, Geoff. I read a study (or someone else read it and told me about it–like I have time to read studies with all the Tweeting!) about how Valentine’s day is hook-up prime time for single ladies.

“I’m way more likely to give it up on VD.”

And since nobody likes to be alone, I sent out a link to my boy Geoff’s online dating page. Because, let’s face it, you needed him, and he’ll take anything he can get. Click photo to enlarge.

That’s my boy! He even trimmed it up for you, for this special day! Dual hearts! Only Geoff could pull that off. I’m saying, if you are looking for something a little more serious that just a casual encounter, like you had with him last night, I’m sure he’d be down with it. Geoff is a sensitive guy. His favorite movie is ‘The Notebook’. He cries after sex! What more could you ask for? I mean, he’s got Queensryche forehead, but you can get past that. You’re bigger than that.

“Operation, Forehead.”

*Queensryche’s disease is a serious ailment that effects approximately fourteen percent of the worlds male population. If you would like to make a donation to the Queensryche’s Disease Foundation, please contact the author of this site, and give your credit card information directly to him.*

Because I Had To, So Do You.

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , on January 26, 2010 by Colin Walker

Listen, I spend a good amount of time on the interwebs trying to find stories that are semi-interesting without being way over-reported. It’s called Playground of the Inane, after all, not Playground of the Ultrafucking Important. If this was Playground of the Ultrafucking Important, I would have already told you that there is some next level shit going down in Haiti right now. Godzilla is on the loose down there or something, and if you want to help you can summon Mothra by texting  ‘Haiti’ to 90999.

But here’s the thing, as I’m looking around for these stories, I sometimes come across ideas or pictures that I would really rather not be subjected to. Like this one:

Wow. There are so many things wrong with this. Listen, I’m not sitting here telling you that I’m put off because there is this hardly-dressed dude on my screen. I’m a bigger person than that. There are probably more pictures of naked and half-naked women on the internet than there are of ANYTHING ELSE, so, some dude, whatevs.

I’m saying though, what the fuck is that dangling?  Is that a germ-mask? Does he have The Swine? Do you want him to give you The Swine? (You so totally do, because you are nasty.) What the hell is up with the pink arm and leg warmers and the tattered T-shirt collar beaded Village People neckthing? Why do you like this so much?

Seriously, if any of the ladies reading this blog (and I’m sure there are tons and tons) find this even remotely appealing, will you leave a comment or something? So I can make fun of you?