Archive for the Music Category

Very Special Holiday Wishes From Violent J

Posted in Music with tags , , , , , , , , , , on November 27, 2010 by Colin Walker

Sophisticated wordsmith and science fanatic, Violent J, tweeted Thanksgiving good tidings on Thursday. Being the classy lad that he is, the message was every bit as restrained and tasteful as you would expect.


If you are not aware of who this talented gentleman is, well, you’re luckier than I am! But now, not so much! Because I’m going to tell you!

Violent J is half of the rap duo ICP (Innocuous Carnival Proprietors). Along with his partner, Gunnar Nelson, these two Detroit scholars wax philosophical about life, love, basic scientific principals, and something called ‘The Dark Carnival’, which, if I am to understand correctly, is an affirmative action program designed to help some of Detroit’s unemployed African American population. Good for them, I say.

ICP(Inconceivable Cavalry Purloiners), speak to our nation’s youth in a new musical style called ‘Hip-Hop’. I don’t know abut you guys, but I think this ‘Hip-Hop’ thing might really take off. I’ve been wrong before though. Remember the McRib? Man, nobody wants that damn thing. The duo are also filmmakers, their first feature film, ‘Big Money Rustlas’ debuted earlier this year. You can order it here. In addition to that, they also produce amateur wrestling videos, the proceeds from which go directly to the Ol’ Dirty Bastard Memorial Children’s Fund.

As if all that wasn’t enough, they also host ‘The Gathering Of The Juggalos’. Juggalos are mentally deficient adolescents that these charitable people feed and entertain for four days. For more information on The Gathering Of The Juggalos, go here.

God bless these lads. Let them continue to do God’s work.

What’s The world Coming To When America’s Children Can’t Even Score Legitimate Drugs Anymore?

Posted in Music with tags , , , , , , , , on July 15, 2010 by Colin Walker

When I came home today, my fiancée asked me if I knew what idosing was. I had never heard about it. She said that, apparently, kids are using the frequencies to get ‘high’. The tracks are digital files you can download, or watch on Youtube, that kids swear create feelings of euphoria akin to drug use.

As usual, kids are fucking stupid.

What they are talking about is binaural beats, where two sounds of slightly different frequencies are played, in opposing ears. This creates a ‘beat’ not only audible to the listener, but a stimuli that effects the listeners actual brainwaves. Sounds Dope-Boy Fresh, doesn’t it? Yeah, until you realize that this has been around since Heinrich  Willhelm Dove discovered it in eighteen-thirty-fucking-nine.

Rock that shit, my ninja.

Here’s a news flash for the kids reading this. First off, why are you reading this? You should not be here if you are under eighteen, I curse, talk about the pooh-nan and beer, and am sometimes absurdly and unapologetically racist. Get the fuck out, now. Two, If you think that something that can actually get you high has been sitting around, pretty much unused, for one hundred and seventy goddamn years, you are a moron. But, we have established that. Let me put it to you hip young kids like this, where was the ‘lull’ period for cannabis? Cocaine? Heroin?

There wasn’t one. Since those drugs were discovered, people have been using them. Sure, usage has increased due to availability and better trade over the last century, but we’re not talking about something that only grows close to the equator, or a plant that has to be coddled for five months in an indoor greenhouse be a hippy named Jesus, we are talking about sound. Sound, kids, has been around for a while. (history)

Just fucking with ya, this event was completely silent.

Binaural beats have been proven to help with concentration, or relaxation, but nothing has ever been achieved that was anywhere close to intoxication. Everybody remembers that girl in junior high that would be over at a sleepover or birthday party and claim that she was ‘high off soda’. That was bullshit then, and guess what? You’re that girl now.

This Mountain Dew has got me FUCKED up.

Here’s a clip, in case there are any doubters. The instructions are to put on head phones, relax and enjoy. Try it out, if you’re a masochist.

Well, wasn’t that fucking horrible. Kids, when you take drugs, drugs FUCK YOU UP. That’s kind of what they’re for. I used to smoke so much weed I couldn’t remember where my dick was. I took so much ecstasy, that everybody was covered in rainbows, and every touch was an orgasm (That got fucking old quick, let me tell you). I’ve taken so much acid that I woke up in a room seemingly filled with giant spiders, I was naked, and my unhappy-to-be-awake-at-4 am father was standing in the doorway to my bedroom, swinging a stick at me every time I tried to leave. That is high. This shit, this shit is a shared headache.

Parents are worried that idosing will lead to stronger drugs. Parents, let me be clear here, if your kids are willing to listen to this shit to get ‘high’, they are upstairs, in your bathroom, right now, trying to drink your nail polish remover and eating your tampons, because they looked at the warning on the box and Toxoplasmosis sounded ‘epic’. Get them some fucking help, would you?

This. Goddamn It, This.

Posted in Music, Uncategorized with tags , , on February 1, 2010 by Colin Walker

I found this in The Wasteland today. I didn’t do it, but I thought that I would share it with you.

First, let me make it clear that I am going to get smacked for this. My fiance loves The Peas. I can’t stand them though, and this pretty much sums up my major problem with them. There is no substance whatsoever there. That’s what opinions are all about! My imaginary friend says opinions are like dead hookers. Everyone has a basement full of them, but nobody wants to hear about it. Fair enough.

Ive gotta go. Gotta go buy some beer. Gotta go buy some beer. Gotta go buy some beer. Gotta go buy some beer. Gotta go buy some beer. Gotta go buy some beer. Gotta go buy some beer. Gotta go buy some beer.Gotta go buy some beer. Gotta go buy some beer. Gotta go buy some beer. Gotta go buy some beer. Gotta go buy some beer. Gotta go buy some beer. Gotta go buy some beer. Gotta go buy some beer. Gotta go buy some beer. Gotta go buy some beer. Gotta go buy some beer. Gotta go buy some beer. Gotta go buy some beer. Gotta go buy some beer. Gotta go buy some beer. Gotta go buy some beer. Gotta go buy some beer.