You WILL Buy Pizza From Gary Busey

Oh sweet Jesus. I make up shit. A lot. It’s kind of my thing. I don’t get paid for it (yet), but goddamn. Just when I thought I was good, Donald Trump, well…trumps me. Even I would have never imagined the awesomeness of Gary Busy, Lil’ John, and some country guy (John Rich), out on the street, among real, human beings, selling pizza. Man, it must be close to Halloween. Donald Trump is the sickest fucker on the planet.

Not for John Rich, who, honestly, if I was inside him, I wouldn’t know who he was. And not for Lil’ John, who, if shouted at me: “Buy some damn pizza, YEEEEEEAH!” I would gladly go in and buy a slice just for a cool story to tell. But, unleashing the morbid juggernaut that is Gary “I’ll rip out your endocrine system and wear it as a hat” Busey on the god-fearing public as a pizza busker? Holy shit. That’s like summoning the ghost of John Wayne Gacy to be the clown at your kid’s birthday party.

“Hello, police? I’d like to report a theft. my socks have stolen my pants. And I think I stole someone’s deodorant. And ate a baby. Where the hell am I?”

That shit is dangerous! Donald Trump is the type of guy to detonate a nuclear weapon in Austin, just to see how funny it was. Then he would sell “nuclear protection” to Dallas. Because he is a motherfucking gangster.

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