Okay, so here at the playground you know we don’t do real news right? You may have noticed. If you haven’t noticed that yet, you either don’t pay attention to the content, or the name of this site. Anyway, I bring that up because here we are perilously close to covering actual news. The only thing that makes this an exception is that what we’re talking about happened more than five thousand miles away in Moscow.
Now I know that distance does not dictate the impact of events. Some of you are probably all like, “Coddy, that whole Hati ‘Just Shake Your Rump’ fiasco happened like one thousand miles away from you, and you hardly said anything about that.” Others will say, “Big Daddy Cod-knock, that BP ocean-rape deal was more than a thousand miles away, and you did little more than award them The Meat Suit with little commentary.” Well, to those I say, Who the fuck are you talking to, anyway? What the hell is a Cod-knock, and how are we even friends? Did you become emotionally attached to me when you saw me sleeping with your mom that time, and I’ve been unable to shake your emotionally devastated ass off my coattails ever since? Also, in case you haven’t noticed, this is my goddamn playground, and I’ll write whatever I want, so there. If you’re wondering what distance constitutes safe coverage by this site on important matters, let’s just say it’s whatever the fuck I feel like it is. Okay? Good.
So. You guys have seen the shirts, and the ‘art’, right? You know the stuff I’m talking about. With the wolves? I’ll give you a few examples.
That last one was so famous that it inspired its own internet meme, and wound up on an episode of The Office. Look, different people have different tastes, and that’s fine. What I might think is gaudy and almost laughably tacky, you might really enjoy. Wolves are animals, and I love and respect all animals. Whether I’m wearing them, ingesting them, feeding them, picking their runny feces off of my floor , or petting them, I’ve got mad love for the entire animal kingdom. Some animals, I would rather appreciate from afar. Like on the TV. Wolves would be listed among this last group. Some of you insist that wolves are majestic, honorable creatures. And I wonder if the same people would think that if a pack of wolves was running right fucking for them.
Okay. That right there is a Russian cop that pulled over to the side of the road, only to have to jump back into his car when a motherfucking wolf pack came running down the highway. Holy shit. Hey guys, you know what I don’t expect when I get out of my car in an urban area? A wolf pack! Just sayin’. Some of you are all like, “Cod-biscuit, I see animals all the time on the highway, broham, what’s the big deal?” I’ll say back, fuck you, those are wolves. And here’s something worse:
Yep. A fucking pack of wolves. is running around a city of more than ten million. That’s more populous than New York City. And there is a wolf pack. Could you imagine?
“Hey, James, wanna go down to Ace Of Clubs and see The Marine Electric?”
“Oh jeez, Clint, you know I would, but I’m being chewed on by fucking wolves.”
“That’s not what irony even mea….AAAAARRRRRRGGGGHHH!!!11!“