I Was Sexually Assaulted By A Man Who Had Cerebral Palsy Since Birth.

This is exactly what Judge Souless Fucking Monster  an anonymous Taxi and Limousine Committee (NY) judge alleges happened to her last October. I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking, ‘Coddy, so what? That’s perfectly plausible, depending on his level of mobility and brain function. Why you trippin’?’ First off, stop saying stuff like ‘why you trippin’. It embarrasses both of us. Second, as far as his level of mobility is concerned, Dr. Palsy, it’s pretty much non-existent.

Cheecho Mertsaris has had Cerebral Palsy ever since brain damage he sustained at birth. He has absolutely no control over his motor functions and has been confined to a wheelchair for as long as he could fit into one. He cannot even eat unassisted. Dispite all that, Mertsaris is actually a lawyer for the NY TLC. You see, there is nothing at all wrong with the way Mr. Mertsaris thinks, he learns just as well as you or I, and communicates through e-mail with the help of an assistant. He cannot, however, control his limbs. His appendages are apt to go swaying to and fro or jerk spasmodically at any moment.  So basically he’s kind of like this guy:

“Let me lick you up and down, ’til you say ‘stop’.”

But a lawyer, not a guy who could probably figure out how to rip the universe open with his bare hands, if he could only use them.

So, Cheecho, pretty inspiring guy, right? He overcame huge, constant obstacles to become a lawyer, stuff that would most likely drive this author to pay someone to push him down a steep flight of stairs or ‘accidentally’ shoot me in the face while hunting quail in my living room.

“You’re welcome.”

You would think that you would look up to a guy like that, or, at the very least, pity him. But you wouldn’t. Not if you were Judge What The Fuck Is Wrong With You, Really? this judge. No, is you were her, you would say that Mr Mertsaris touched you inappropriately on your hindquarters when you and he were alone together. Then you would file a case against him. Because being her, you are also a shameless fucking monster.


This is one of those times when you would think that class and common fucking sense would come together and this woman would just realize that she was being crazy, that this guy is dealing with issues that she could never hope to comprehend, and that he couldn’t have possibly gotten any benefit out of his spasming arm brushing against her cold, reptilian butt cheek.

But, no.

This is from the Fox article: “A spokesman for the district attorney’s office told Fox 5 that the prosecutor believes that Mertsaris uses his hands.”


Because this guy had nothing better to do for his entire life than pretend like he had a crippling, debilitating disease. And , he did that for the sole purpose of one day briefly touching some uptight, demon judge’s ass. That’s brilliant. I didn’t even start off this post with this intention, but fuck it. You win.

Go hunt tigers.

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