It Is Literally Impossible For MTV To Ban Lady Gaga’s ‘Telephone’ Video

All right, People Of The Internet, I am here to drop some hip knowledge on you.  I know that you guys are kind of behind the times, and rely on me to bring you up to speed on the things that are currently ‘dope’, and ‘fresh’. That is fine. I am more than happy to be your Ambassador Of What Is Def.

So, let me do my job here, will you? Allow me to introduce you to things heretofore unknown and therefore blackly exciting and mysterious. Let’s go.

There is a new female performer on the scene now. I’m sure you haven’t heard about her yet, (you guys on the internet are always a little behind, but it’s okay ‘cuz I still love you!) but her name is Lady Gaga. Don’t let this slip, but I think that there is a chance that she could become quite popular. And, I’ll tell you what, you can say that to people now, and you don’t even have to credit me. You can say to your friends, “Hey, hip and ethnically diverse group of people that I choose to associate with, I think that maybe this Lady Gaga character is going to be kind of a big deal.” They might laugh at you at first, but don’t worry. When you turn out to be right and they have egg 0n their hip, collective faces, you can look over to me and we’ll laugh together. I would never sell you out!

But, CONTROVERSY CENTRAL!1! There are reports surfacing that MTV pulled her video ‘Telephone’ (featuring someone named Beyonce, don’t worry about her, I don’t think she’ll work out in this crazy Music Biz) for being too sexually explicit.

Here it is. All ten minutes of it. Watch if you want, but if it’s too long for you, or you don’t want anyone catching you watching it, take my word for it, it’s no worse than ‘Rumpshaker.’

All I wanna do is Zooma-zoom-zoom-zoom!

But, what I’m saying is this: That’s Impossible! And Kurt Loader backed me up earlier this morning when he addressed the press and told them, “We could not have banned the video in question. MTV has not played a video in it’s entirity since 1999.”


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