Vajazzling; Next I’ll Be Fucking A Unicorn.

The new trend in gaudy, fake, sparkley shit has skipped the ghetto entirely.

Yesterday, I was thinking to myself, you know, I like vagina, but when is someone going to come out with some flashy semi-permanent  vaginal accessories? This was what I asked myself. There are rings for piercing, sure, and of course there is untold tons of lingerie floating around out there, complete with lace and sequins. But, lingerie comes off pretty quick, and rings and studs can be ripped out. Not by me, but by this guy, who is a monster.“My name? Daddy. That’s my fucking name.”

But I’m sayin’, (I’m just sayin’) where are the whimsical adornments that call to mind the more capricious days of my childhood? Or your aunt’s jacket, the one with the wolves on it? You know the one I mean.

Well, it’s here! For a modest fee, (around $75) you can go to one of three spas and have a rhinestone design adhered to your pitcher’s mound.

“I choose you, Pikachu!”

That’s right, your vagina can resemble Liberace’s jacket. I can’t speak for everyone, but doesn’t putting something there that is going to increase the friction (and potentially cut you) contrary to some of the point of having the Sainted Coin Purse shaved bald in the first place? What kind of injuries can we look forward to?

And who’s idea was this? Was it a customer? I pretty sure it was, because very few self-respecting shop owners would voluntarily come up with a procedure that would force them to spend more time down there; especially with common sense, good taste, and modesty on the sharp decline.  “Here ta tell ya right now, I want tha’ anal bleachin’, the clit piercin’, tha works!”

Yeah, it was a customer. Came in and was all like: “Hey, make my vag look like a vase with magic coming out the top”.

“You want what?”

“I’ll pay you good money.”

“I should have stayed in that pole dancing class.”

And then there is the fact that people get used to anything, and then need to move on to bigger and better things just to keep the excitement going.  So, this means that in a few years, some hipster will be fucking a chick in day-glow Avatar cosplay paint with bolt-0n devil horns and  transplanted Pegasus wings.

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