We Are All Shocked And Appalled That Flavor Flav Is Behind On His Child Support.

“Common Sense! Where have you been? You’re late!”

Listen, I don’t know about you guys, but I like to keep organized. I’ve been called everything from Dr. Organization to Papa Files, that’s how tight I run my game. I don’t know what you guys do, perhaps you stick those little yellow Post-it notes to your chest with peanut butter, reading them as you go about your day, but that’s weird and I don’t do that. Why do you do that?

Anyway, one of my things is, I like to keep lists. Not just To-Do lists, either, or wish lists, but lists for all sorts of things. One of theses lists I call my ‘Shheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet’ list, because the items on it represent or describe events that will never, under any circumstances, occur. I’m not going to bore you with the whole thing, but number 2 on that list, right after MC Hammer ever going broke, (You guys remember ‘Can’ Touch This’, right? Huge! He will literally never run out of money) is Flavor Flav falling behind in his child support payments.

Flavor Flav, pictured with his son, Stripe.

I mean, what the hell went wrong!? The economy really has to be in the toilet if a champion of moral values and responsibility like Flavor can be brought low with such absurd charges. You know what? I think I’m going to drag the economy out back and whup it’s ass for making The Flav look like that. Who’s with me?

Who’s with me?

Who’s…

“You Guys?”

Okay. So maybe it was unrealistic of me to expect any different from Flavor, who has, time and time again, shown us what a douche he is. But there’s just something about him.  Maybe it’s his eyes…

Yep, that’s probably it. But one thing that surprised me when I read about this story: Flavor Flav is fifty years old.

Fifty.

This guy:

I know someone who needs a new clock.

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