Fezzik! The Portcullis!

Because I Had To, So Do You.

Sorry about that. This post has absolutely nothing to do with a portcullis. It was just the first thought that went through my head when I saw this picture. Call it a irrational cross-logic reaction. On the heels of that, an enormous wave of nausea. The Princess Bride reference only staved off the pukes for a moment or two.

Measure twice, cut once.

Ho boy. I cannot imagine the circumstances, drugs, bad judgement, and various physiological maladies that would have to be present for me not only to attempt something like this, but to follow through with it to this point. My God.

What kind of thought process has to occur? Was this some kind of collaboration? (Let’s hope not, because that would mean that there was more than one crazy person) A guy sitting in his mom’s basement playing WoW, munching lackadaisically on Tacos At Midnight Doritos, thinking about possible snafus at the upcoming Amtgard weekend?

I am as protected as any knight of the realm, but lo, something is amiss! What of my assistant in all things, my humble yet valiant monk? Although he has not yet seen the rigors of battle or the interior of a vagina, he must remain protected!

And so it shall be! Chain-mail for my cawk! Brilliant! And then I will post pics on the net so that others may see that The Duke Of Dun-lap’s charge is protected above all!

I spent way too much time on that. But seriously? You have to spend more time with your husband so he does not get up to these  kind of monkey-shines! There is one benefit though, this thing prevents 100% of STD’s and is completely effective against pregnancy.

You know why.

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